On an otherwise uninviting November day, I had the good fortune to partake in a Subway lunch with a very lovely lady named Brandy…
Brandy, who is of Asian decent (and who I understood loves to eat sushi), reluctantly conceded to meet me at a local Subway dining establishment where were would enjoy some good old American food! And, while I could easily surmise that she really wanted to bite into some raw fish, she was gracious enough quell that urge and to order up a BMT six incher. For my choice, I decided on the cold cut six incher on white Italian bread with lots of lettuce and hot peppers.
As we sat down to eat, Brandy glanced back over her shoulder and asked me, ‘What the f#%k is it with the video camera?’
‘Why, I’m filming this meal for my You Tube Subway promo,’ I replied proudly. ‘You see, I needed to lose some weight, and since Jared is now out of the picture, I thought I’d give er a go as the new Subway rising star!’ As I looked at her expectantly, a ribbon of lettuce was dangling unnoticed, from my mouth.
Brandy looked back at me with her head tilted a little to one side with an amused smile on her lips. ‘Dude, you’re like how old? Eighty something? Good luck with that!’ She then took a large bite out of her sandwich, while attempting to stay completely out of the cameras line of view.
In all honestly, I was at first somewhat taken aback by her ‘poor attitude’, but quickly recovered my composure. ‘Look, Brandy. Subway needs a fresh fatherly sort of face. Someone who is very mature and who is not prone to, shall we say, any unpropitious forms of conduct.’ I then winked at her and took a huge bite out of my sandwich. This done, in a blatant effort, to ham it up for the camera standing off behind her left shoulder. I really wanted any viewers to see just how much I was enjoying that great Subway product. [Sometime later someone commented on You Tube, that I looked a lot ‘like a cow chewing his cud with a sliver of lettuce hanging out of his mouth.’ (I deleted that one).]
Just about the time that we were finishing up, an employee ambled over to our table asking ‘what the f#%k we were doing with the camera?’ When I filled him in, as to my real intentions, he had a really good laugh and walked away shaking his head. (A moment later a new wave of laughter erupted from behind the serving counter as the severs along with a few customers turned to look our way). Brandy, in the meantime, had sunk pretty darn low in her chair. She looked, very much, like a trapped animal desperately seeking escape. Then, in a flash, she headed for the exit!
As her back was quickly disappearing through the door, I yelled after her, ‘Hey, maybe we’ll do this again sometime!’ I then continue eating the rest of my meal, as thoughts of stardom filled my head. As though in counterpoint, a small sliver of lettuce drifted down to land softly on the table top…