My Diet – Day 1

8 AM – I arise with a raging hunger. I head for the kitchen where I prepare a ‘monster meal’ of 460 calories! It goes down the hatch in mere moments. I’m still hungry and look at the clock to see if it’s anywhere near noon time. Nope. Not even close! Back to bed.

12 Noon – I’ve counted the minutes for what seemed like an eternity. My life is on hold pending the next refueling. At precisely 12 o’clock noon I guzzle down my 320 calorie meal. I’m not satisfied, no not by a long shot. The clock now read 12:15 PM. I knew it was gonna be a long time before the five o’clock hour struck. I felt sick and a little weak… I notice that there is NO BEER in the fridge and felt close to tears. I stumbled over to the coach and lay down in such a way as to be able to see my clock on the wall. The little second hand is spinning around, but the minute hand doesn’t seem inclined to move. I fall asleep….

5 PM – Hunger stricken, I crawl slowly into the kitchen. I’m operating on fumes at this point and anything edible is fair game. Good thing I didn’t have a dog. With the speed of greased lightening, I assemble my evenings repast; a TV dinner with 350 calories. The microwave takes about three hours… finally I eat and like a teenage orgasm, the whole shebang is over in mere moments. I utterly had no constraint whatsoever! I check the fridge just in case someone brought me some beer in a charitable fashion. No beer. I retire to my bedroom to sit out the long night to come… Day one of my diet was complete. As I close my eyes and fall asleep, my last thoughts were of the word ‘diet’ and what it meant to remove that ‘t’…


About forsythkid

I am just a simple man with a head full of sand who is currently residing in a small town called Forsyth Missouri. I enjoy hiking, camping and all things related to gardening. I rec’d my degree from SIU majoring in Biology many moons ago and still maintain a great interest in the study of all living things. My hobbies include meteorology, the Finnish language and inhabiting cyberspace whenever possible.
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