Dear Mr. Patrick Betz,
Congratulations! You have been specially selected by Bas Landsdorper et al. to participate in a manned fly-by of Mars which will take place on the morning January 2, 2018 from Cape Kennedy Florida in a space vehicle designed exclusively by Spaced-OutX.
Mr. Betz, this honor has been afforded to you after the failure of anyone to willingly step forward as a volunteer for a 501 day journey in a cramped space capsule where spartan conditions will definitely prevail. However, Mr. Betz, you will not go alone! Mr. Landsdorper is also proud to announce that Russian Cosmonaut Helga Burswadle has agreed to accompany you on this most auspicious mission for all of humankind!
This epic journey of over a year and a half will pit; human endurance, extremely cramped quarters (not to mention the likely advances of one very determined cosmonaut) against all possible odds of survival! We also would like to advise you, Mr. Betz, that you will be exposed to extremely high levels of radiation for most of the trip and will therefore be encouraged to wear our custom designed metal athletic supporter at all times.
Mr. Betz, we request that you get prepared mentally and then present yourself to the space terminal no later than December 31, 2017. Please note that there will be no need for a doctor’s physical or other preparations prior to us placing you (by force, if necessary) into that cozy little capsule with Helga! God speed and good luck!
If you make it back, Mr. Betz, a party will be held in your honor. (If you don’t make it back, we will hold one anyway).
CEO Mars One
CEO Mars One