Dawn: It’s just past seven AM and already I’m 500 calories into my first day of dieting! One bowl of soup, a small banana and just a few peanuts have done all that damage. Already, I’m thinking that my goal of 1200 calories a day might have been a bit too optimistic. (In point of fact, I’ve begun the mental process where I’ll try and convince myself that obesity is the new look of the decade)! Yeah, that’ll work!
10:00 AM: Making it to noon time and lunch is my next challenge. That is without eating anything of course. I’ll divert myself from thinking about food by going shopping…to the grocery store.
11:00 AM: I’m at the grocery store and salivating. Too late, I remember that you should never grocery shop when you’re hungry. Hmm, I wonder if this pork loin will fit into my cart? It is a bit overloaded…
12:00 Noon: I made it! I feel like I haven’t had a bit in days! Let’s see now…what can I make that will be under 300 calories? Answer – nothing! My eyes wander over to the pork loin sitting on the counter top. A sense of desperation grips my mind. I place the pork into the fridge and hunt for a hotdog instead.
Four hundred calories later: a hotdog, Saur Kraut and a glass of milk flashed before my eyes before disappearing into the maw of my mouth. It’s 12:20 PM and my stomach rumbles….
1:00 PM: Oh my cheating ways! A half eaten box of cheese-its lies at the corner of my desk; a tawdry reminder of my lustful eating binge just moments before. I’m at my desk staring vacantly at the computer screen. Well, I console myself. After all, I’m only human. I click on my mouse to go to You Tube so I can hunt for that song to play. (While I’m listening on my headphones, I discover that the cord stretches just enough to reach my backup supply of M&M’s). It’s now 1:15PM….tic tock tic tock…
4:00 PM: I’m now wondering about eating dinner this early. I mean if I eat it now, then it will be another FIFTEEN F’ING HOURS before breakfast. I glance over at the box of Cheese-its which is now empty. I briefly wonder what happened to all those cheesy bits of goodness??
5:00PM: I’ve decided to hell with everything and go to the fridge in search of a brewski.
8:00 PM : I look up bleary eyed from a pile of empty beer cans that are resting under the remains of a Hungry Man TV dinner. I squint at the tray trying to focus. (Actually the tray is quite empty and merely stars back). I stand up – walk to my bedroom and promptly pass out.
And so ends my first day of dieting. I’m looking forward to day two now, much the way a condemned man looks forward to his day of execution.
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